There was no rhyme or reason behind this I just started to write. I'm not trying to be an author or anything, I guess I'm just curious how it turned out. Obviously its not a full story or done or anything... but Idk tell me what you think =) p.s. the 1 - 2 is I think where it breaks and starts a new chapter err section err somethin. Again not writing a book here just got an idea and thought hmm I'll go with it. Thnx =)
The old wood door to the sitting room resentfully creaked as I nudged it open. I hated this part of my escape, but the sitting room was the quickest way out to the veranda. Once I could get there I檇 be in the clear, but tonight the original antique cherry wood was not cutting me any slack.
I stopped opening and tried again, hoping I could convince the door to give in ?bad idea. An even louder screech emerged from the wood. Alarmed, by the noise I immediately stopped and looked around. I saw no one and all I could hear were the crickets chirping quietly outside. I turned back and decided to just go at it quickly. I swung the door open with one quick push and one big squeak. At least I was through. I quickly did a double take at my surroundings making sure nothing in the atmosphere had changed. Everything was the same; Old books piled high on shelves that no one ever touched, portraits of generals stared at me with harsh beady eyes. They knew too much, at least they couldn檛 talk or I檇 be dead. I brushed off their stern glares and hurried to the glass door on the far side of the room.
It gave easily and quietly as I slinked out of the ranch house and onto the porch. I let out a sigh of relief. Now, I could be calm until I had to sneak back in. I hopped down each step ?as I had done a million times before ?and broke into a swift sprint down the stony path.
I kept running until I reached a fork in the maroon path. One way lead to the stables, the other to the pool. I ignored both paths and headed into the pine forest on my left. I swung around each thick trunk following the familiar winding trail which was laid out in my head. After about five minutes of slithering around branches I reached the edge of the wood and entered into a wheat field. From here I followed a dirt path worn down from my frequent excursions. I began to run again; Up and down the hills, my towel flapping behind me. My bare feet hardly touched the soft dirt of the path as I raced no one to nowhere. Finally, I slowed and began to descend into a steep incline surrounded by trees. The dirt shifted to rock then again to sand, and the trees began to thin.
Then I was there. Even before I looked up to see I could hear the sound of the water as it quietly licked the shore. Every flip I could hear of the water flowed perfectly with my jagged breathing. When I did look up I sighed contentedly at my Utopia.
The warm colors of the sunrise spilled over the mountains as the sun began to consume the dark shades of night. Light oranges, purples, and blues ebbed and flowed with one another to form a sky that would make a landscape photographer cry. Even after living out here my whole life I felt like I could sit on the shore the whole day and watch the sky change.
I had to pull myself from my fantasies and back to reality though. As beautiful as the dawn was, it was also my only alarm clock out here telling me that the day was coming too quickly, and I was losing time.
I yanked of the old blue t-shirt I had worn and unhooked my lace bra. There was no reason to be coy out here ?the elk couldn檛 care less what I wasn檛 wearing. So I shimmied out of my cotton shorts and underwear, and hung everything on a familiar birch branch close to the shore.
Even though the sun had begun to rise the cool essence of the night was still momentarily fixed in the air. That became very apparent to me quickly as I felt the sharp mountain air nip at my bare skin.
Slightly shuddering I crept to the shore of the lake. The cold wet sand squelched unpleasantly between my toes, but once the waves met my feet I could feel redemption in the heat of the water. Its unusual kiss of warmth slipped softly away from me as the waves receded from the shoreline.
I waded in deeper and deeper till the warm water had hit the top of my shoulders. Then began to float. First sinking under the surface of the water and letting its warmth completely grasp my whole body. As I resurfaced I let my body balance itself between air and water. I floated belly up on the lake and refocused my eyes with the sky. By now the orange of the dawn had begun to take over the deep satin blue night. Slight strips of gold-white clouds tied together the yin and yang of the sky. I lowered my gaze ever so slightly to combine the evolvement of the sky with the steam rising from the navy water.
This entire scene, this moment I was consumed in, made me forget everything. I lost all my worries, my reservations and gave them up completely to Mother Nature. I wouldn檛 have to think aboutI just started writing... How is it?Youre saying youre not trying to be an author...but honestly....you should. this was actually quite amazing.
go with this idea youve started, and dont stop. if you publish this i WILL buy it haha
it instantly captured my attention, and kept it throughout. you have talent.
care to read my book and give me some critiques please?
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;I just started writing... How is it?It's GREAT! you are a FANTASTIC writer.
just a few questions, why was she going into the ocean and why was it so important?
Any ways i LOVED it!I just started writing... How is it?I enjoyed it, but I wish you young writers would learn to indent your paragraphs! I liked that the door creaked resentfully. I would add from lack of use or from the summer humidity. When the door pushed open why not say it creaked louder than the chirping crickets?
I would have liked a name and some information about her. Was it typical to sneak out of the house and go skinny-dipping?
I liked the sand between the toes, but I had a mental image of my days on beaches where the wet sand forms callouses on the ball of the foot, only to disappear in the water.
You may want to put some of the last paragraph's description of the water and stars in an earlier paragraph. This will give the reader an idea of how long she was in it. Does she come out because she's shriveled from the cold or has she made a resolution?
Interesting way to leave your story--makes the reader curious for the next installment.I just started writing... How is it?really fun for a first shot. I would take the creaking door thing and show it's effects rather than repeating the description.
%26quot;the door moved and all the crickets went quiet.%26quot;
This shows -rather than described.
Also- and perhaps the hardest will be to high light all the %26quot;I's%26quot; --Then try to remove as many as you can with out ruining the rhythm.
You might pull several %26quot;action sentences%26quot; and combine into one sentence.
Watch your tenses. Noticed many %26quot;tense%26quot; shifts.
Keep going- can't wait to find out where this goes.
