This is the prologue and chapter of a story I'm writing, I would like to hear your ideas about it. One day I really want to be a published author.
Prologue
The moonlight made everything in the forest silver. The forest was silent, there was no bird song, no crickets, no rustling in the trees. It was as if the moonlight had frozen time itself. There was no movement; it was as if the forest was made of ice.
In the middle of the forest, there was a small pool of water. The pool was coated with a small layer of ice, even though it was summer. The ice wasn’t white; it reflected the moon and the stars as if it was a mirror. This pool was the forest’s centre, no trees grew around the edges of the pool, it was a perfect circle and a circle of trees surrounded it, all the same distance from the water.
It was almost midnight. The moon was full and high in the sky; it was the largest it had ever been in many years. It was a perfect white; the stars around it seemed dimmer.
Suddenly the silence was broken. It was broken with the snapping of a twig. Its small sound echoed around the forest.
Two wolves entered the clearing. One, a pure white she-wolf and the other, a pure black male wolf. The male wolf walked to the opposite side of the clearing, standing in the exact position of south, and the she-wolf stood to the north. They both took a couple of steps forward, their paws almost touching the sides of the pool.
“Kamira, the time has almost come. Are you sure it is tonight?” the black male wolf barked, red eyes gleaming and staring into the she-wolf, Kamira’s green eyes.
“Omatu it is tonight! Don’t question the spirits!” Kamira growled lightly, returning his gaze. Omatu lowered his gaze in a sign of submission. He looked up with a apologetic gaze and Kamira flicked her ear in forgiveness. Omatu took a breath then lightly barked to her,
“Where is the saviour then? It is almost midnight! Where is the human?” Kamira gave a light growl at him. He always asked questions.
“Patience Omatu! There is still time left. The human will come soon.” Omatu growled at Kamira but, without a sign they both disappeared into the shadows simultaneously.
Chapter 1
Yairin sat up straight in her bed. She was in a cold sweat. Her bed clothes were soaked with her sweat. Her dream, she had to remember it. Silently she closed her eyes and tried to cling onto the last snippets of her dream. It was like trying to hold water with your bare hands. All she could remember was that the two wolves in the forest were waiting for something, something very important. Upset at not being able to remember her dream, Yairin got up from her bed.
The sheets were full of her sweat. Oh well, the servants would replace them tomorrow, they always replaced her sheets, even if they were clean. As quietly as she could, Yairin put her feet onto the stone floor, it was made of the finest marble but that didn’t change the fact it was cold. She quickly recoiled her feet and put them into her slippers, the soft fur quickly making her feet warm.
Her mouth emitted a sigh of satisfaction; using her arms she pushed herself out of her huge bed. The sheets were made of the finest cotton, her quilt made by the best quilters. Her feet passed over the carpets, without realising it she was heading towards the window.
Her long slender hands rested against the cold stone ledge. Making sure no one was looking; Yairin took a deep breath and stuck her head out of the window. She closed her eyes and breathed in the freshening night air. She opened her eyes and let out a silent gasp. She had never seen the moon so big and such a pure shade of white! Its light made everything look silver, she imagined how her own, raven black hair must look in this light. She quickly undid her hair bun. Slowly her thick black hair ran down her shoulders, becoming a river of thick wavy black hair. As it stopped unfurling around the small of her back she pulled some so it was in sight of her eyes. ‘That’s strange; my hair is still the same…’ Confused, Yairin looked for the burnt forest. It was always black, but it was a shade of silver. Unconsciously, Yairin looked down at her hands. They weren’t silver; they were the same olive colour they always were.
Still utterly confused she went back inside, and grabbed her hand mirror. She leant out the window again and took a look into the mirror. Her face was still its olive colour; her hair framed it perfectly in black. Her naturally high hair line was considered a rare sign of beauty. Her lips were still the same rose red and her eyes; they were the same ice blue. She closed her eyes and took some deep breaths.
Suddenly a very sharp wind raced through her window. As the wind passed over her ears it seemed to be whispering, ‘The SilverForest…’ Yairin opened her eyes; there was a gleam of determination shining through them. Quickly yet quietly she went back inside her room, opening her closet and finding her kirtle. Looking around toHow is my story (draft prologue and first chapter)?It is ok for that it i only a draft. You need to improve your sentence structureHow is my story (draft prologue and first chapter)?its alright for a draft, but some of your sentences are long %26amp;some are choppy. I like the metaphors about the ice! keep writing!How is my story (draft prologue and first chapter)?Wow I liked it a lot you should finish it and maybe send me the final copy.How is my story (draft prologue and first chapter)?wow this is amazing!there are some lines that need some work but this has a lot of potential!
