Okay, my essay is 873 words, and it has to be no more then 550. I'm a basketball player writing about a game I had. This essay is a vignette. I need any tips on how to shorten it/cut it down. Thank you, also if you could let me know if there's good descriptive language in it, and what needs improvement.
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At first it seemed like a normal day. Nothing was different from the previous games. As I warmed up with sprints and set shots, I found myself experiencing an overload of electricity sparkling all over my body. All I was thinking about was winning. The battering warm up buzzer sounded and it echoed through my ears that game-time was here. My team and I whizzed jubilantly to the huddle with the coach. Coach told us with a voice of pure inspiration that a win was guaranteed if we played defense and moved the ball around. You could just tell from the look in our eyes, like a rattlesnake ready to pounce, that our energy was ecstatic. I never truly thought about it, but one play, one mistake, can change the status of the game. With some dispute we finally come to a clear conclusion on who would match up with whom. The scoreboard was set, and the court was cleared, the first quarter inching closer and closer to starting as every second passed in my mind. We loose the furiously fought jump ball, and the clock, seemingly taking forever, finally started counting down. Our defense was ruptured into halves like a melted chocolate bar and before anything could be done, they scored with an easy layup. My body moved like it was on springs, surprisingly more accelerated then the previous games. Fortunately for them, my time to score wasn’t until later in the game. They delivered around the ball; finally they put up a blatant shot bonking the rim sounding like a flock of crows. I pounced up with my palm and clinched the ball down over every person nearby. As we scuttle back down court I instantaneously popped my head up and my eyes stuck to the scoreboard like bees on honey. Displayed in gigantic orange numbers, the score was tied at 25. There were 9 seconds left to get off a prayer, and my team-mate threw me a scorching chest pass. I penetrated down court like a flash of light. They tried to swipe the ball, but failed as I left them in the dust. Glancing up I saw there were 3 seconds left, and bolted my feet into a deep 35 foot shot, like I was diving into a swimming pool, only this swimming pool is the basket. As the last second is ripped apart from the clock like a magnet, my arms raised and my eyes set on the target, the ball is released and my wrist flicks down. The shot flies over the court and goes through with fire covering it. My team-mates gave me what seemed like a billion high fives. I then limped myself onto the bench. My body was dead tired so I was a spectator for some of the fourth quarter. To start the fourth quarter, my team-mates rushed the ball up court. A minute passed and my team was exterminated like bugs every time we laid even a finger on the ball. The score was 36-28 them. With 4 minutes left, we took a time-out. Coach quickly drew up a play for us as I got set to return. We had the ball. Down low I cut through, and we swung the ball the other way, with just enough space I slipped through and got an opening and blitzed a 3 pointer with all of my effort, trying to keep us alive. I was in a different zone, nothing would effect me, I was set on winning and nobody could change that. I burned back down court to play defense. They’re guard got a clear lane for a layup, but I angrily refused to give up. I came swooping in from behind and skied over him like a hawk, and rejected the ball so ferociously that it was as if he had no chance. I raced down court with the ball. My defender was too slow to pick me up, so I stepped into a 3 pointer, and before he could get his hand on the ball I released. Some how, I felt it; I knew even before I took the shot, that it was going in. 32 seconds remained, we needed to stop them from scoring. We didn’t let anybody get through, after about 20 seconds; I had a chance to steal. I rifled my arm through for the ball and knocked it away. My team-mate dived for it and in a split second called time out. This was it; the coach came up with a play that just might save the game. 8 seconds on the clock, the 8 seconds that meant win, or loose. We get the ball inbounded after struggling for 4 seconds. I had to think quickly, time was not on my side, 5 seconds, I cut and amazingly I got through a perfectly set screen, 3 seconds now I get the ball, like a rocket ship, I exploded, falling away and gunning it from deep to win the game. Few people will have the chance to understand the feeling; the feeling of knowing every shot you take is going down, the feeling of all your confidence rising from your heart, the feeling of being in the zone.I need to shorten my essay, can anyone help me?I don't mean to sound negative, but this essay has too many irrelevant details, like the constant references to how many seconds everything takes. You need to build more human interest into your story. Also, the whole essay is written as one paragraph. That's an incorrect format.
Get a book on compositional style from the library. You can learn how to write better essays that way. Keep trying!I need to shorten my essay, can anyone help me?tat is realy good but when i went 2 school %26amp; had assingments/essay's i all ways went over the word liment tat was set %26amp; they did not mind so all wat u can do is hand it is as a draft of just let the teacher have a look all over it and if the teacher like it u will or might just have 2 fix up sum things.
